University of South Florida Wk 5 Revision Plan Description

Letter
Hamed Al Oraimi, Project Manager
Pathways International Limited,
060 Fogy Lane
Lafayette, LA 51998
January 30, 2022.
Richard Smith,
Vice President,
Pathways International Limited,
Dear Sir,
Ref: Complaints from Residents on Wetlands Conservation Project
I am writing this letter to bring numerous complaints from residents about dust and
noise to your attention. Mainly, Winnifred Doucette Lejeune, a resident, and a
community activist, has served me with three letters in the past few weeks. The recent
one had additional signatures appended by ten other residents. In the letter(s), they
threaten to derail the project if their concerns are not addressed.
However, I feel that the actions of the activist and residents are meant to sabotage the
project due to perceived inadequate community involvement. After receiving the third
letter, I decided to visit the site and assess the situation myself. To my surprise,
everything was progressing well with no evidence of dust or noise as claimed by the
residents. During my random interaction with residents at the bar in the evenings, I
realized that everyone in town was not supporting the project. In their argument, this is
a government project that cannot benefit them.
The local residents need to be brought on board to arrest the situation. I am concerned
that their escalating negative energy might affect the project progress severely. I will
appreciate your efforts to address this issue.
Thank your
Yours Sincerely,
Hamed Al Oraimi
Email
Wednesday, January 30, 2022
Dear Ms. Winnifred Doucette Lejeune
Thank you for reaching us on behalf of the residents about the Noise and dust menace.
We endeavor to address your concerns and offer the best solutions to resolve your
problems instantly.
Nevertheless, I never verified your claims in my recent visit to the site. There was neither
dust nor noise from the project. The temporary roads under construction facilitate the
shipment of equipment to low-lying areas. I call upon you to arrange a meeting
between the project officials and the aggrieved residents to address the issue.
We highly appreciate your feedback because it helps us become better at restoring
portions of the wetlands in Coastal Louisiana and SE Texas.
Kind regards,
Hamed AL Oraimi
Project Manager, Pathways International Limited.
Memo
Date: January 30, 2022
To: Arnie Linkous
CC: Richard Smith
From: Hamed Al Oraimi Project Manager
Subject: Addressing Complaints from Locals at Wetlands Conservation
I am writing to bring to your attention the numerous complaints from locals on
Wetlands Conservation. I propose you arrange a meeting with the employees to discuss
the issue of the noise and dust emanating from the project activities.
Later, liaise with Winnifred Doucette Lejeune, a resident and community activist, to
meet between employees and residents to settle the matter amicably. Any required
assistance will be readily provided.
Thank you for your time.
COMMUNICATION FOR ENGINEERS
Project 1:DOCUMENT SERIES
Percentage Weight of Final Grade: 15%
STUDENT LEARNING OBJECTIVES
?
?
?
Write for a specific purpose and audience
Create various forms of business correspondence and documents
Develop effective business correspondence writing style, paying particular attention to
concision (i.e., avoiding wordiness), paragraph construction, and tone
ASSIGNMENT : PADD Analysis of Project 1 Scenarios
Review the following scenarios, and consider Purpose, Audience, and Design as you start thinking
of responses. Each scenario asks you to prepare a range of documents. You will first need to
decide the appropriate genre (email, memo, business letter, etc.) for each recipient, as well as the
content of those documents based on your rhetorical purpose.
As we complete this project, I will likely ask you to produce document drafts for multiple
scenarios, but you will only need to select one scenario/set of documents to revise and
submit for the final draft of this project. This gives you lots of practice writing these important
documents, but it also saves you time when it comes to revise/turn in the final product.
Even though you will only revise and resubmit one set of documents from one scenario as your
final draft of Project 1, I still expect you to begin this project with a thorough PADD analysis.
Please respond to the PADD analysis questions for all five scenarios below.
SCENARIO 1: MaintainU and Outdated Webpages
You are the technical manager of a large Internet design firm (100+ employees). One of your
primary responsibilities is to manage a team of developers. Your unit?s primary goal is to build
and deliver custom web applications and to update client websites. Due to the increase of
information delivery via company intranets, your company has grown considerably. About 8
months ago you hired a small start-up company, MaintainU, to perform routine maintenance for
clients? websites because you needed to focus more attention on the custom applications.
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MaintainU does not interact with your clients, and they work as sub-contractors through your
company. Your clients are not aware of this move and for now, you and Nathan Elder, your
company president, want to keep it this way.
The last several months you have had problems with MaintainU not paying attention to version
dates. They have, on several occasions, made changes requested by clients, but they also
uploaded old pages to the site. Having dealt with several complaints, the most recent two weeks
ago, you had a long conversation with Jason Hughes, the president of MaintainU, that mistakes
are not acceptable.
Now, this morning, you receive an angry call from a client, Sheila Links at Gateway Industries,
because an executive that was fired two months ago has been added back to the executive page.
Gateway Industries was one of the first clients your firm ever signed. While the client is on the
phone, the mistake is corrected, and you end up setting up a meeting for lunch next week.
For the first 6 months or so, the relationship with MaintainU was great. At this point, you?re
uncertain if you want to continue the relationship, but at the same time, you cannot afford to
bring maintenance work back in-house. Apparently, the phone call to Jason wasn?t enough.
Scenario 1 PADD Analysis Questions:
1. Who is Sheila Links and how do you think she feels? What is she expecting from you?
2.
3.
4.
5.
What will you write to Sheila? What document best achieves your purpose? Why?
Who is Jason Hughes? How do you think he feels about another mistake?
What do you need to communicate to Jason and what document best achieves this? Why?
Who is Nathan Elder, what does he want/need, and what will you write him? Why?
SCENARIO 2: Wetlands Conservation and Confused Locals
You are the project manager of a civil engineering company, Pathways International. Your
current project is a large-scale (100 miles) construction project that is restoring a portion of the
wetlands in coastal Louisiana and SE Texas. Pathways International Vice-President, Richard
Smith asked to be told of ?anything that even remotely smells like a problem? with the project.
Currently, you are building a series of temporary access roads so that you can get equipment to
one of the low-lying areas. This project involves a literal convoy of heavy trucks. Your firm has
received numerous complaints from residents about the noise and dust. You?ve received three
letters from the same woman, Winnifred Doucette Lejeune, a local resident and community
activist. The last letter contained 10 additional signatures. If residents? complaints continue to
escalate, they could slow down the project and put you behind schedule. Richard will certainly
want to know about this.
You make a trip from the office headquarters in Lafayette, LA to the Calcasieu/Sabine Coastal
Wetlands Planning, Protection, and Restoration Area to see what?s going on. On site, you see
everything seems to be progressing fine. You even meet Arnie Linkous, sub-contractor
supervisor at the construction site. Your firm has used this sub-contractor for almost five years,
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but this is the first project you?ve worked on with Arnie and his crew. Workers are on the job by
7:00am and running until almost sundown, but in the local bar and grill, all the talk from
residents is about ?the darn government project to nowhere.? Almost everyone in town has
something negative to say about the project. Back at the office you decide to act.
Scenario 2 PADD Analysis Questions:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Who is Winnifred Lejeune, what does she want, how does she feel?
What is your purpose in communicating with Winnifred and what document works best?
Who is Richard Smith and how do you plan on communicating with him? Why?
Who is Arnie Linkous? What form of communication do you plan to use with him?
What is your purpose in writing to Arnie?
SCENARIO 3: MRI Data Loss Incident
You?re the compliance coordinator for a biomedical company, Hadley Services, which provides
field service technicians to local hospitals and medical offices. Hadley?s specialty is radiological
equipment, particularly open MRIs. Your primary job is to coordinate the schedules for repair,
calibration, and preventive maintenance for all of your clients. You are also responsible for
writing the reports that keep the company in compliance with local and federal guidelines.
Since many medical facilities are starting to replace their outdated MRI machines with the
new open MRIs, Hadley has grown considerably in the last 2 years. Hadley has a longstanding relationship with the folks at Hitachi Medical, who manufacture the AIRIS Elite, the
most used machine in your market.
In the early afternoon, you get an email from one of Hadley?s newest clients, St. Francis Clinic,
which is a brand-new clinic of the Alliance Medical Group. When St. Francis opened two
months ago, they signed on with Hadley. The St. Francis account meant a lot to Hadley since
they had been wooing the Alliance Medical Group for years.
The email is from St. Francis?s clinic administrator, Pat Williams. The technician, Allen Franks,
just left after completing a safety check, and now the machine is no longer recording data. You
immediately dispatch another, more experienced technician (Marcus Ramirez) to address the
problem, and call Ms. Williams. While you?re on the phone with her, Marcus texts you to tell
you that problem is solved. You relay the information to Ms. Williams and hang up.
After chatting with both technicians, the problem was a simple. Allen Franks had failed to
connect the data port snuggly, which is a rookie technician mistake. Now that everything has
settled down, you know you have some additional work to do. First things first, you need to
notify Ronni Simms (they/them) of everything that has happened. They are Hadley?s client
representative and are responsible for day-to-day communications and the St. Francis account.
You need to let them know of the developments with their clinic.
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Scenario 3 PADD Analysis Questions:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Who is Pat Williams and what do you need to tell her?
Since Pat?s problem has already been solved, what document will you use? Why?
Who is Ronni Simms and what do they need from you?
What document will you send Ronni and why?
Who is Marcus Ramirez and what document will you write him? Why?
What can you do in your document to best help Marcus grow as a new technician?
SCENARIO 4: Pre-Flight Inspection Issue Causes Delay
As the quality control supervisor at Aero Coast, you make sure that the structural repairs on
wide body passenger and freight aircraft are completed in compliance with all federal
regulations. Aero Coast specializes in re-fitting aircraft, and they have developed quite a
reputation for innovative structural designs. In addition, Aero Coast is known for their attention
to detail and finishing projects on time.
You and the team have just completed a structural re-design to the interior of a plane that will
be used to ship mini widgets overseas. The re-design focused on customized racking systems
to hold the sensitive mini widgets in place on the long flight. About four hours after the plane
has left, you get a text from the pilot. The plane has been grounded in the northeast because
of ?improper aircraft configuration.? The lens covers on the emergency lighting system are
not FAA specified.
After a few calls, you find a line mechanic that can make the necessary repairs, but he can?t get
there for about 24 hours. You call the client, Carter Buchanan, VP at Global Widget Freight and
deliver the bad news–the flight will be delayed by a day. The client, Global Widget Freight, has
been with Aero Coast for about three years, and you have a solid business relationship. They
account for about 17% of your annual revenue, but they?ve just been bought out and are under
new management?none of your old acquaintances still work for the organization.
You have some work to do to keep people happy and to make sure this type of problem does not
happen again. Your boss Ned Masters, VP of Aero Coast needs to be updated on the situation.
You also need to figure out how to best communicate with Bob Gunny, Aero Coast?s chief safety
inspector who signed off on the completed job.
Scenario 4 PADD Analysis Questions:
1.
2.
3.
4.
Who is Carter Buchanan and how can you best follow up with him?
Who is Bob Gunny and what?s your purpose in communicating with him?
What are some possible reasons Bob missed the lens covers?
Who is Ned Masters and what does he need from you?
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SCENARIO 5: Discriminatory Hiring Practices
You are the manager of the Graphics Department at Heartline, Inc., a medium-sized
company with three offices and 300 employees that sells a mobile app that monitors
customers? heart function. Your department has recently begun hiring to fill up to eight
positions from entry-level to middle-manager. As a department manager, you have been
sitting in on the second round of interviews. The first round of interviews, consisting of
phone interviews, is solely completed by the Human Resources (HR)department. The
second round of interviews consists of Zoom or Teams online meetings with several
members of your organization, including yourself, your boss, an employee specialized in the
position, and someone from HR.
A few weeks into interviewing, you receive a letter from someone named Xaviare
Roberts. She is connecting with you from a non-profit organization called Diversity Hiring
Help. Ms. Roberts informs you that they have had more than a dozen qualified applicants
apply to available positions, but not a single person has been contacted by your HR
department. Ms. Roberts explains that each applicant has worked closely with a hiring
consultant to perfect their resume and cover letter for your firm?s specific job listing.
Additionally, each applicant meets, or exceeds, the required qualifications in your online
job posting. Yet, still, not a single person from her organization was contacted for an
interview.
Ms. Roberts explains her company?s mission is to help people of color find jobs. She suggests
that none of her applicants were contacted because they do not possess Caucasian-sounding
names.
While the first round of interviews is determined by HR, you know that Heartline values
diversity in the workplace. As a manager, it is your responsibility to encourage equitable
hiring practices. Ms. Roberts? allegation merits investigation and revision of hiring practices.
You decide to alert Board of Directors to these accusations as well as reach out to Cynthia
Bell-Phlegar, Heartline?s Head of Human Resources (HR) for more information.
Scenario 5 PADD Analysis Questions:
1.
2.
3.
4.
Who is Xaviare Roberts and how can you best follow up with her?
Who is Cynthia Bell-Plegar and what?s your purpose in communicating with her?
What are some possible explanations for the problem? Possible Solutions?
How does the Board of Directors fit into this and how will you communicate with them?
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Project 1: Document Series Feedback File for Scenario 2
What in the Wild World of Tech-Comm is a
FEEDBACK FILE
…and how should you use it?
In this class, students receive feedback on major assignments as one
group. This document is a collection of such feedback where I:
1. Summarize issues from student drafts related to course outcomes
2. Explain why these issues make the document less effective
3. Suggest tips for the revision process using the concept of P.A.D.D
PURPOSE
? What are you trying to accomplish?
AUDIENCE
? Who are they and what do they want?
DESIGN
? Which document features will be most
effective in this situation?
DELIVERY
? How will your design be received? What are
the genre expectations associated with it?
Directions: How to Revise Documents Using the Feedback File
1.
Before reading this document, first
complete your self-review assignment
2. Read the identify issues that apply
to your documents
3. Before revising, complete the
Revision Planning Exercise in Canvas.
4. You must reference at least TWO
issues below in your revision plan and
explain how they will help you
improve your draft
5. If you?re still unsure how to revise,
please email me your questions so I
can help! [email protected]
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Getting Started:
What Do We Know about Scenario 2?
Scenario 2: Wetlands Restoration and Confused Locals
Deliverables/Documents written to
? Ms. Winnifred Doucette Lejeune, a concerned local citizen
? Mr. Richard Smith, your boss and project manager
? Mr. Arnie Linkous, the construction site supervisor
Dr. B?s Breakdown
Your primary purpose in this scenario is to keep the project moving forward
without upsetting the local residents. Based on what Ms. Lejeune has
complained about, there are some actionable steps you can take. To reduce
noise, the working hours can be reduced. To reduce dust, covers can be put into
place. And to help people better understand the importance of the project, you
can work to inform community representatives like Ms. Lejeune of the importance
of this project. For her, a formal letter is necessary–no other document makes
sense. It must be sincere, cordial, apologetic, and informative all at once.
As for your company vice-president, use a memo to be informative and to assure
them that you have the situation under control. If there are any action steps you
need your boss to take, be sure to include them at the end–but in most cases
you should simply explain what you?ve already done and the steps you plan to
take moving forward.
Writing to Arnie Linkous, the contractor and construction site supervisor, is a bit
more nuanced. An email probably makes the most sense–you can introduce
yourself in a friendly way after your initial visit to the site, explain that some
adjustments need to be made to the work schedule in order to appease local
residents, and, hopefully, compliment the team on the good work they’ve done so
far to extend goodwill and foster a better working relationship in the future.
Remember though, Arnie is not an employee of yours and you can?t just boss
him around. As the construction site supervisor, Arnie must approve any changes
to the work site. Be careful to be persuasive and direct without being demanding
or pedantic.
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Issue #1 Purpose:
What Are You Trying To Accomplish?
1. Identifying All the Purposes
While several of the prompts tell you why you need to write to a particular person
(to inform them of the situation, to request specific information, to tell them what
actions to take, etc.) sometimes there will be multiple reasons to
communicate with an audience member. Read the prompts closely and my
PADD analysis in Dr. B?s Breakdown above to make sure you acknowledge all
the purposes for writing to each person early in the document.
Student Example: Letter to Winnifred Lejeune
Dear Ms. Lejeune,
I am the current project manager of the construction project working on
restoring portion of the wetlands in coastal Louisiana and SE Texas. It is
my job to make sure that all is going as planned and that neighbors are
not disturbed by any noise. Unfortunately, we have received three
complaints from you, and we apologize for the disturbance. However, we
are trying to finish this project on time so, I am reaching out to hopefully
find a middle ground that will satisfy both ends.
Why is This an Issue?
This example is a nice exemplar for how to construct an opening to an apology
letter. It addresses Ms. Lejeune directly, introduces the
speaker, and apologizes promptly. The opening ends with a transition that
suggests the writer wants to work toward an equitable solution for all involved.
Overall, this is a good start, but there are many points that can be improved.
How to Improve?
The line “Unfortunately, we have received three complaints from you” almost
makes it sound like its assigning blame to Ms. Lejeune when I don?t think this
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was what the writer intended. Again, think about what she wants (to be right, to
be the local champion of the community, to be included, etc) and figure out how
your document can give her what she wants throughout. When you consider
?purpose? in constructing these documents, it’s important to remember that the
people whom you are communicating with have their own
purposes/motivations/biases as well.
On a different note, I want you to understand that the last line ?reaching out to
hopefully find a middle ground? doesn?t actually make any sense in the letter
genre. This is the kind of message you could end an email with because of the
ease with which your audience can reply. Maybe this line works if you include a
phone number for Ms. Lejeune to reach you at, but still, you should be the one
solving problems and suggesting solutions here, not the person who has
complained to you. See section 2 ?Problem Solving? below.
Student Example 2: Letter to Winnifred Lejeune
Dear Ms. Lejeune:
I am contacting you on behalf of Pathways International regarding the
letters you have sent about concerns from our current construction
project. I can sympathize with your concerns of the noise and dust we
create while constructing. I can assure you however that the final product
will have a positive impact on the community that will outweigh your
current concerns.
As the project manager overseeing this project, I have been using our best
resources to limit our impact on the surrounding community while
constructing, however some consequences can only be mitigated as
much as possible. Construction will end in roughly five months, so the
dust and noise we have caused will end completely soon. But for the
meantime, I appreciate the criticism and will make an effort to further limit
the consequences of the construction project.
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Why is This an Issue?
This document clearly identifies multiple purposes when replying to Ms. Lejeune.
It expresses sympathy for the issue without expressly apologizing. This is a good
move if you don?t want to admit fault or wrongdoing on behalf of the company. It
also acknowledges that there must be some information that locals like Ms.
Lejeune doesn’t fully understand and creates an opportunity to inform her. Finally,
the letter thanks her for raising the concern and endeavors to problem-solve for
her. So, multiple purposes have been identified, and they are all correct and
important. BUT, the issue is that they are being obscured by lines like ?the final
product will have a positive impact on the community that will outweigh your
current concerns? sounding dismissive or ?I have been using our best resources
to limit our impact? sounding defensive.
How to Improve?
Look for any part of your communication where you are being disagreeable or
contradictory in any way. Is there any good reason for disagreeing with your
audience? For example, if Ms. Lejeune complains that there is noise and dust
and your response is ?we?ve been doing our best? then her only reply is ?well
your best isn?t good enough!? Ultimately, her problem still exists and needs to
be addressed.
See if you can notice all the changes I made in this rewrite:
Dear Ms. Lejeune:
I am contacting you on behalf of Pathways International regarding the
letters you have sent about concerns from our current construction
project.
I appreciate you notifying me and can sympathize with your concerns
regarding the noise and dust resulting from our Wetlands Restoration
project. As project manager, I take responsibility for these disturbances
and assure you I am currently working to return the peace to your
community.
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I have already visited the construction site and discussed your concerns
with the construction supervisor and he will be implementing the following
changes next week:
? Shorter working hours to reduce morning and evening noise
? Dust covers to maintain clear air for the surrounding area
You?ll be happy to know that construction is scheduled to end soon (we
are hoping 3-5 months), but for the meantime, these changes should help
you and your neighbors return to life as normal.
I can assure you that we here at Pathways International only want the best
for you and your neighbors. The final product we are currently working on
will have a positive impact on the people, plants, animals, and overall
environment of your community.
We hope that you will continue to help us work toward our goals of
sustainability and restoration by staying in touch–if you have any other
questions or concerns, please feel free to call.
2. Problem Solving
In each of these scenarios, you have the opportunity to come up with concrete
solutions to the problems that arise. Sometimes the prompt will tell you
specifically what to convey or ask for, sometimes you will need to think more
creatively.
Try to come up with some problem-solving ideas you can offer to each person
you write to?even if they have screwed something up and you just want them to
get their act together, or you maybe simply want their advice before you pick a
particular solution. As we saw above, helping someone correct a mistake does
take some careful thought and creative problem solving–take your time and try to
communicate within these scenarios as if you?re helping real people.
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In scenario 2, the primary problems you need to solve are lack of information
about the project, dust, and noise. The way you solve the first problem is through
a clear explanation to a community member like Winnefred. The dust and noise
problems need to be handled on the construction site, however, so you will need
to request changes from Arnie and his team in an email.
Let?s look back at this example from before:
Student Example: Letter to Winnifred
Unfortunately, we have received three
complaints from you, and we apologize for the disturbance. However, we
are trying to finish this project on time so, I am reaching out to hopefully
find a middle ground that will satisfy both ends.
What are three specific things that the writer could suggest here to find that
middle ground and solve Ms. Lejeune?s problems?
Even though these scenarios are pure simulations, the solutions you suggest
should be feasible/viable/realistic. They should be things that are easy to enact,
bear little cost, and won?t take an enormous amount of time. Meaning, you can
offer someone a 10% discount, but you can?t offer them a flying car.
Issue #2 Audience:
Who Are They and What Do They Want?
1. Too Much Information
Many of the readers in these scenarios work in the same organization/field as
you and already have some information about the topic you?re writing to them
about. Giving readers information they already know, or information that isn?t
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useful, may bore/annoy them, or even make them feel like you are explaining
their own jobs to them. Since our goal is to be brief, especially in emails, think
about information your audience absolutely needs to get in each document, and
avoid including anything that isn?t necessary to convey that information.
Student Example: Email to Richard Smith
There has been some notice from residents who are complaining
about the noise and dust produced by the convoy of trucks bringing
equipment to the restoration area. A particular woman named
Winnifred Doucette Lejeune has gathered 10 local residents?
signatures and has sent us a total of three letters regarding the
noise and dust. I have already sent a letter to this woman and told
her the reasoning behind our project and that we will try our best to
reduce the noise and dust. I also let her know that our workers are
working hard from morning to night and for the residents to try their
best to understand.
There was notice of one other potential problem. I checked out a
local bar and grill and all the talk was about ?the darn government
project to nowhere?. I believe this may eventually lead to a bigger
problem. I believe the residents will understand more if we explain
ourselves and the reasoning behind our project that causes the
noise and dust.
Those are the only two problems or potential problems I?ve heard of
now and I will continue to let you know if there are more.
Why is This an Issue?
First, let?s talk about the genre for a moment. Email works for Richard Smith and
for Arnie Linkous?so who is it most appropriate for? Since Richard Smith is your
boss and internal to the company, it may be better to send him a memo. Since
Arnie is a subcontractor, email is really your only choice.
Either way, emails should include a to/from as well as a subject line and memos
need their own formatting.
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More importantly, this is way too long for an email. Even as a memo, it needs to
be redesigned for easier readability because there?s just too much text clumped
together to skim. Sometimes, being aware of your audience helps you reorganize
your information to make it easier for them to process. This also makes it more
clear what information you can safely delete while still accomplishing your
purpose. Look at my revised example below and try to figure out what
information I cut out entirely compare to what I simply reorganize for the benefit
of my boss.
How to improve?
Even this revised version could be made more concise and skimmable, but look
what a simple reorganization of text can do.
Revised Student Example: Memo to Richard Smith
DATE:
TO:
FROM:
SUBJECT: Dust, Noise, and Local Confusion RE: Wetlands Restoration
Overview
I received multiple letters of complaint from Ms. Winnifred Doucette
Lejeune and 10 other local residents in the Calcasieu and Sabine coastal
regions regarding the noise and dust from the construction site. Local
gossip focuses on ?the darn g